"It's Just a Story"

As many of you are already aware, I worked for a few years as a university lecturer teaching on BA Honours film degree courses.  As I saw it, my job was to inspire the students to push themselves to explore the limits of their technical and storytelling skills whilst in the supportive and safe environment of education.  I would challenge them to not play it safe and to dare to tell the best stories in the most engaging and compelling way.  After all, many would leave university and be restricted by client or studio remits so what better time to experiment and find ‘their voice’.

I’ve always been a lover of film; all film.  I have my favourites in many categories from shear entertainment to highbrow ‘connoisseur’ type films.  For me it’s about just a few things: am I engaged in the characters and the story, can I connect with the characters and story and finally do I get completely lost and absorbed in the whole experience.  Once a film achieves that, in whatever way the genre demands, then, for me, its job is done.

A good film, always starts with a good story.  There is real power in a good story, it has the power to allow us to reflect, challenge, learn, assess, grow or even heal.  A quality story will not do this obviously but will achieve its outcomes through careful and deliberate metaphors and the ‘takeaways’ from immersing ourselves in good stories can run deep and be life changing.

Storytelling is how we have always passed on wisdom and teachings

The reason stories can have a profound impact on us runs hand in hand with how I create huge life-changing seminar events for people.  It’s about the experience.  If the viewer, listener or reader of a story is having any form of chemical release (emotional experience) associated with what’s unfolding then their subconscious is learning.  As I’ve written before and talk incessantly about, the chemical releases we have create our entire experience, which we interpret as ‘reality’.  This means that if your subconscious is giving you any form of chemical ‘hit’ during the story, it isn’t ‘aware’ that it’s not real.  Chemical responses are there to prompt us to take physical action (our survival instincts) and unless the ‘thing’ we’re reacting to actually exists in the real world, the chemical reaction is redundant.  Good stories manipulate our subconscious to give us an experience, or to create an alternative ‘reality’.  If we are not fully engaged in the story or characters we will not be getting the same hit of chemicals and the impact of the story will be greatly reduced.  Conversely if we’re loaded up with chemical responses during the story we will have a profound experience and any message that is contained within the story will most likely have been absorbed into the subconscious.  Remember to create any deep change in us this is where the learning needs to hit.  Stories can engage the conscious mind to entertain but also stimulate the learning mechanisms of the subconscious to facilitate small or even large changes of personality, beliefs, behaviours or perspectives.

Next time you’re ‘having an experience’ from reading a good book or watching a great film take a moment to think about what’s going on in your mind and body.  Then think about what your subconscious is learning and how this learning effects personalities.  We are an accumulation of our experiences and leanings to this date.  We learnt through our experiences, whether they be direct, witnessed or taught to us.  What we read or view also constitutes our experiences and such moulds who we are.  Think about this the next time you’re watching a scary or violent film or maybe something depressing or stressful…your subconscious cannot disseminate whether what you are engaged in is real or not and will absorb the experience into it’s learning.  Is that really the experience you want to have?  Is that really what you want to teach you subconscious?  Is that really who you want to be?  Is that the world you really wish to inhabit?  A ‘dip’ into violence here or there or horror or sadness won’t hurt and can educate positively if done well but to constantly immerse oneself in negative experiences will create change in you just as it would if it was actually real.  The degree of impact of this will be determined by the degree of ‘experience’ had.  For example if you enjoy a good horror film and are entertained but are not having a negative emotional experience then the chances are little or no negative learning has taken place.  However if, like me, these film leave you unsettled for some time after or play on your mind, rest assured, you’ve had a negative experience and your subconscious is a little worse for it. 

I argue against that telling yourself ‘it’s just a story’ negates the negative psychological impact of some film and stories.  The determining factor is always going to be the experience you are having.  And as I’ve already said, I good story is the one where you are completely engaged and absorbed in it.  If you are aware you’re watching a film, it’s not a good film. If you’re aware you’re reading a book, it’s not a good book and ultimately if you ‘know it’s not real’, it’s not done its job.

As a final thought, nothing changes when applying the above to computer games.  I wish it wasn’t the case but everything I know tells me that what we watch, read or even play changes us in a manner associated with what we’re watching, reading, playing.  It’s possible the experience will show us a better of being but it also might be giving us a distorted, negative ‘reality’.  I think all stories are valid but as with anything in life, be aware of the experience you’re having and the associated learning your subconscious is doing and the possible resultant personality or belief changes that might be occurring.  We are here to experience as all experience is living.  My challenge to my students is to be clear about what experience they want their audience to have and what teachings or outcomes they wish to leave them with, all whilst entertaining.

I love a good story and I love great film and that’s why I’m delighted to be running the “Hollywood Experience”, 3-day summer film schools for kids this year.  The basis of the courses will be how to tell stories and then convert them into film and ascertain the impact their film will have on their audience.  The final films will vary in ‘quality’ and effectiveness but the learning they get will last with them as will the fun time they have.

If you would like more information on the summer film schools please visit:

http://www.biggerbrighterbolder.co.uk/HEX.html

How to train your teen!

Want to train your teen?

Ever wondered why your teens don’t understand you … and visa versa?

Something I hear a lot of from parents is how their kids, typically teens seem to not be able to communicate with them or be understood by them.

There are a number of reasons why parents and teens seemingly disconnect at certain times of their lives.  A lot of it comes down to what I sometimes refer to as the ‘I’, ‘WE’, ‘THEY’ phases of life.  I talked more in-depth on this in my recent blog post:
http://biggerbrighterbolder.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/it-pays-to-keep-up.html

In this post, I’ll specifically cover how these ‘phases’ of life affect the understanding and communication between parents and teens.

A quick overview of the I, WE, THEY phases I refer to follows…

i) We are born into an ‘I’ phase of life where everything is about the ‘I’. Nature intended this for the survival of the new born ‘I’ and don’t they just know it ;)

ii) Eventually the ‘I’ will give into biology, partner up and have it’s own ‘I’ at which point it becomes a ‘WE’ and enters the WE phase of life.

iii) Once the new ‘I’ becomes a ‘WE’ of it’s own, it outgrows the need for the ‘WE’ that went before. At this point the old ‘WE’ is somewhat redundant and is called upon by nature, in my opinion, to evolve into a ‘THEY’ phase where they are focussed on the wider group.

My crudely drawn sketch below illustrates what I’m getting at.

 

For the purposes of this article I want to focus on the relationship between parents and teens, the ‘I’s and the ‘WE’s.  The teen is in an ‘I’ phase of life although biologically being pulled into a WE phase.  As an ‘I’ the teen is focussed on themselves (their own survival as nature sees it).  As they approach their own ‘WE’ phase they unconsciously start to prepare to survive on their own.  Inherent to this is a ‘know it all’ disposition because if they didn’t have certainty in their lives they would have to admit uncertainty and thus vulnerability.  Evolution loves certainty, the more certain an individual is the more direct and committed they can act and thus they ‘safer’ they are…in evolution terms.  It’s essential that when ‘going it alone’ and setting up home as a new ‘WE’ that the individual feels ‘safe’ doing so.  This often infuriates the parents and demonstrates itself as an inability in the teen to listen to them or take advice, no matter how well meant it might be.

One mistake the parent often makes at this time is failing to see the mix of the ‘I’ phase and the certainty of the early ‘WE’ phase in their teen as anything other than selfishness and rudeness or unwillingness to listen, etc. Another mistake is not recognising that they as parents are also in the process of transitioning from a ‘WE’, all about the family unit phase and a ‘THEY’, all about everyone phase and expecting their children to feel and be the same as them because they are ‘growing up’.  The parent unreasonably expects the teen to think about others, pull their own weight around the house, show consideration for others needs and whilst doing ALL this, remain a respectful, obedient child (younger ‘I’).  It’s an impossible ask and dare I say it an ‘unnatural’ request.  The teen simply does not have the biological ability to function that.  They can’t express themselves or exert themselves in a way the later ‘WE’/’THEY’ would want them to.

There is safety in the pack and humans are no different.  The aging community is not where the teens physical safety lies (and at a biological level that’s all that matters).  It lies with the younger tribe, the next generation and they are called upon (biologically) to bond in these new groups which have huge influence and importance over them.  This group, annoyingly to parents, is their friends, girl/boy friends, etc.  This is why you teen listens and cares more about what their friends think that you.  Sorry but it’s just ‘safer’ historically that way.

The teen is all about them as it should be with a transition going on to be a ‘THEY’ with their own partners, offspring and friends.  The parent is a ‘WE’ all about the offspring and family unit and are transitioning to a ‘THEY’, all about the world or wider tribe at large.

These misunderstanding in the life phases and transitions between the two means many misunderstanding, miscommunications and battles occur between the teen and their parents and to some extend the world at large.

It’s not the teen’s fault.  Neither is it the fault of the parent.  However, in my opinion, it is the responsibility of the parent to acknowledge and understand what’s going on and to make the efforts to bring about the changes needed in the relationship between their teen and themselves.  After all, all being what it should be they will have evolved beyond their teen and the onus always lies with the more evolved to bridge the gap in any exchange or interaction as they have more tools, experience and understanding…hopefully.

 

So, hopefully, this goes someway of highlighting your awareness of what’s going wrong in your relationship with your teens.  The above in no means justifies poor behaviour by the teen or negates the responsibility of the parent to continue to shape, educate and prepare the teen to their best abilities.  It also doesn’t mean that the teen shouldn’t have responsibilities outside of the specific phase they’re in.  The above simply outlines, what I understand, is biologically and chemically going in both sets of individuals based on the millions of years of evolution which has kept our species ‘safe’.  As anyone who’s ever heard me speak will testify, what makes us truly human is our ability to choose to act in spite of biological and chemical factors in our make up.  The task of the parent is to first understand and then to communicate with the teen at the phase they are at and not be surprised when they don’t understand more later phase thinking and behaviour.  Your teen does have the capacity to act in a less ‘I’ way and be a more ‘WE’ or ‘THEY’ person through choice but to simply tell them they ‘should’ or that they are ‘wrong’ is not likely to be the route there.

As a last note of optimism to all you parents out there.  I have had the pleasure of coaching many younger people and teens and can honestly say that none of them, despite how awful their relationship has been with their parents, has been a ‘bad person’ or without the ability to be a ‘better’ (whatever that means) person.  In fact the teens I’ve coached get this easier and make changes faster than many adults I’ve coached because they are more pliable, open and still learning who they are and what life is about.  Many adults and parents are not so flexible and as such adapt more slowly.  Often much slower than their teens when I’ve worked with both side.

The answer as always, is in understanding and communication at a level where everyone is understood.

There’s so much more I could say and in upcoming blogs, I’m sure I will.

Until then, good luck with your teen ;)

George.

biggerbrighterbolder.co.uk

“Love is all around me, And so the feeling grows”

Happy February you amorous lot. 

As we approach the ‘love it or hate it’ season of lurve, I thought I’d take the opportunity to spread a bit of mine….

“Roses are red

Violets are blue

We’re bio-chemically bonded

Therefore, I love you”

Not very romantic I know but it’s not an inaccurate description.  Humans have tried for thousands of years to capture, translate, describe and depict the feeling of love.  We’ve been consumed with it as a species offering up poetry, sonnet, music, art and literature in an attempt to translate this powerful obsession of humankind.  The bottom line peeps, is that it’s chemicals - a very powerful concoction of chemicals that have evolved in our species over millions of years.  Let’s assume Darwin was right, the members of our primitive species that were bonded ‘involuntary’ in small groups would have faired far better than those that didn’t.  There’s safety in numbers and chemicals bond us to keep us in relative close proximity to one another.  The two big chemical compounds here are love and fear.  ‘Fearing’ being alone, in other words weak or vulnerable, and ‘Loving’ to be close and protective/protected.  These two huge forces that have evolved over eons manipulate us more than any other.  They are two of the key driving forces in our survival, in fact, in the survival of our entire species.

Let me share a model with you: 

A man and woman’s lust hugely manipulate a very prescribed course of action essential for the ongoing survival of the species… you get the picture…

Lust turns to a powerful consuming love for each other so that the resultant offspring is born with the best chances of survival having united parents.

Baby is born and mum’s body goes mental producing chemical surges to absolutely manipulate an unquestionable bond with the baby.

The baby is also going through it’s own huge chemical bonding process.

Dad, also has a huge release of chemicals massively manipulating him into protecting mum and child.

Mum and dad’s consuming love potion flowing through their veins alters for each other and a strong supportive, bonded love follows.

Without these compounds kicking off mankind simply would not have achieved what it’s achieved, in the biggest sense of the word.  Our ridiculously weak, vulnerable and completely inept off-spring wouldn’t survive five minutes let alone the many, many years they take to mature to a state where they are able to fend for themselves.  Our species is physically weak.  We don’t run fast, we aren’t strong and we’re not very well equipped to hunt or defend ourselves.  However, we are able to bond naturally and in VAST numbers.

The nucleus family unit above is just one experience of love manipulating our actions.  We all know there are many other experiences of love; the love of a sibling or friend for example.  Again, evolution would have favoured the individuals who were capable of bonding in wider circles of people, the one’s with the most efficient ‘love’ chemical response. The love bonding of the ‘hunting pack’ remains strong in all team sports and the love of the extended tribe is what holds families and communities together and encourage them to look out for one another. 

 

Love is a powerful motivator and it shows up in various guises including the love of a place or food or football team.  Like all the base chemical responses I talk of so much, love is a subconscious reaction triggered by a ‘natural’ or learnt association.  As very conscious animals we can learn and condition all sorts of associations to trigger these chemical releases but the base premise for their existence is survival.  No more so than the chemical of love.

So why share this less-than-romantic notion with you just a few days before the ‘most romantic day of the year’?  Because my challenge to you, is to ‘choose’ to love.  As with all my teachings and philosophy, choice is the one true power our species currently has.  We have evolved beyond the pure need of primitive, automated chemical interventions.  Our conscious minds are so much more capable than our subconscious gives us credit for.  ‘We’, (the conscious voice in us) can choose what to love and what to fear even in the face of these powerful manipulative chemical compounds.

This Valentines day, enjoy the love of your intimate others if you have them, but I challenge you to grow beyond this and allow your love to extend much, much further.  Extend it to your friends and families, your communities and beyond. Share it with your fellow man and a stranger on the street and I dare you, no, I double dare you to share and express it in your own way to your enemies.

If we wait for Darwin’s evolution to take us into the next era of mankind, it might still take some time… but if choose to love ALL in this world and beyond, as we love our children and intimate lovers, we will look out for one another, we will defend one another and we will fend for one another in a way not yet experienced in our world.  In a world of seemingly increasing fear (which is just perception by the way), the antidote can be found in love.

If you’re one of the many who might ‘feel’ alone this Valentines Day, love the living shit out of the world and feel part of something very, very special indeed.  There’s seven-billion of us, trust me, you’re never alone 

“Roses are red

Violets are blue

I love you world

Because I CHOOSE to”

With love,

George.

Notable caveats.

Right you lot, I didn’t want to pepper my beautiful ‘wordsmanship’ with loads of caveats and provisos and alternatives.  I just want to add that I do not advocate the redundancy of chemicals in our bodies.  They give us some of the most wonderful experiences on offer to us.  The message I want to share is a clear one where the basic message is that love is a chemical as is fear and has evolved over eons for the best survival of our species.  This is the ‘feeling’ of love we get in our bodies I’m referring to.  I do believe in a connection that exists beyond our physical ‘chemical’ connections and you could call this universal love or another term that sits with you.  As I always promote, to master our lives we must master our experience and the chemical compounds flowing through our system at a particular time dictate our experience to us.  We can learn to ‘trigger’ the release of these chemicals through carefully choosing our thoughts and consciously choosing associations.  In short, you will most likely ‘naturally’ love your wife, partner, children etc but will struggle to create the necessary connections and associations to be able to love a stranger or even more difficult an enemy.  However it is possible, if you want to and choose to.  This ability to ‘choose’ who we become holds the power to massively hastening the evolvement of our species and elevating it to the incredible heights I believe we are capable of.  

Lastly, I’m also very aware that the order of things I promote for family bonding in the article is often not found to be the case.  Many families bond in many varying ways and equally many don’t act as depicted.  Whilst there’s may reasons for this, one of the most compelling for me is that this is evidence of the power of our ability to learn associations and conditioning which override evolution.  All we need to do is educate, trust and choose to love in its highest most evolved global/universal state and we can create a tremendous reality in the world.

Sorry, just couldn't resist  <3