In an ever-evolving life…
it pays to keep up!
At various times
throughout or lives we are called upon to change, to evolve, to
transition. When we become attuned
to these ‘callings’ we soon realise when we are being challenged with the
opportunity and need for change.
The harbingers of transitional times are typically a feeling of being
lost, trapped or of life just not working. It might represent itself as despair or just a mild ‘niggle’
that something’s not quite right.
The sense of despair is normally the result of ignoring the ‘niggles’
for a long time. Despair is often
followed by crises, which is the ultimate harbinger of change. Needless to say that life is less
dramatic and far less painful when we learn to thrust the ‘niggles’ and take
the necessary actions to create the change our lives need us to.
Whilst there are many
times in life when we create small or even moderate transitions there are as
I’ve identified 3 key stages of life.
I represent these simply by identifying the key drivers in life at those
specific stages. These drivers can
be represented by the motivation associated with these key phases. They are, ‘I’, ‘WE’, and ‘THEY’.
The key stages of
personal development and evolution are essential for the survival of the
individual and the thriving of the entire human race. I believe these are literally the corner stones of how we
became what we are today. They are
the backbone to our survival and I’ll explain why.
The ‘I’ phase…
The ‘I’ phase of life
is all about the ‘I’. ‘I’ need…..
‘I’ want, etc. This is the first
stage of our development and whilst we often frown at the ‘I’ mentality or
drivers it is essential for early survival. The young need to survive for the species to survive and as
such they are driven insatiably by their own needs, wants, desires and their importance
above all others. We need them to
survive and this in-built first stage guarantees best results. They need to look out for
themselves. They need to discover
who they are and where they fit into their ‘tribe’ and the world at large. Therefore this first stage of
development is all about them, it’s all about the ‘I’.
The ‘WE’ phase….
So, the ‘I’s survive
and it’s time for them to do their bit and keep the species going so they have
an insatiable drive to procreate.
They do and the next generation of ‘I’s is born. Now, if we were all ‘I’s they’d be
carnage and chaos. Once the new
‘I’ is born the previous ‘I’ is driven to protect the new ‘I’. The most powerful way of protecting the
new born ‘I’ is for the mother ‘I’
and the father ‘I’ to be more consumed with the new ‘I’ than themselves. It’s also essential, ‘nature wise’ for
the new ‘I’ to have both mother
and father ‘I’s put it, the new ‘I’ ahead of themselves and to put the unit of
‘I’s ahead of themselves. They are
now massively influenced be the ‘WE’ and the transition out of being an ‘I’ and
into a ‘WE’ where the unit is more important than their own previous ‘I’.
The ‘THEY’ phase….
The ‘WE’ works
brilliantly at protecting the new ‘I’s until the new ‘I’ is now ready to
transition into becoming a ‘WE’.
At this point the ‘WE’s are no longer required by the ‘I’. Fortunately there is somewhere for all
the ‘WE’s to go; it’s called a ‘THEY’ phase. This is the ultimate evolvement of man. The ‘THEY’s are now motivated be the
needs of the tribe at large. This
is where all the knowledge and understanding of being an ‘I’ and a ‘WE’ can be
passed on to all the other ‘I’s, ‘WE’s and ‘THEY’s for the better safety and
development of the species at large.
This final incarnation of human development is all about others, it’s
all about what ‘THEY’ want and what ‘THEY’ need and how the ‘THEY’s can best
help them. This is the
contribution phase of life and is what separates us from many other species on
the planet and is just one reason we have transcended in becoming the dominant
species on the planet.
So, if life were to be
smooth and painless we would travel the journey effortless without resistance
from an ‘I’ to a ‘THEY’ through ‘WE’. Rarely though, is it that easy. There are a number of other natural
forces working against this transition.
Whilst millions of years of
evolution are driving these changes in the first place, the subconscious has
pre-programmed safeguards in place.
Firstly there is the basic need to resist change. As long as we are surviving, the
subconscious is likely to resist change because it will accept what level of
survival you have now over the possibility of a worse one. Also, like any transition, there isn’t
often a clear line drawn between the phases, so transitions take a period of
time to happen and adjust to. Each
individual also has their own learnt behavioural habits which have been in
place for many years leading up to one of these key changes and that learning
is patterned into the subconscious.
Thirdly, not all external lives have developed to the point where the
internal call for change is appropriate.
Maybe an ‘I’ isn’t in a place to produce the next generations of
‘I’s. when the strong urge to
become a ‘WE’ is kicking in. In
this instance, the internal motivators are working against the external
realities and this causes discomfort.
The discomfort felt is just the internal system ‘leaning’ on the
individual to create a need for action in order to facilitate the change. Ancient/primitive man would have acted
almost immediately on these internal triggers. The strong release of chemicals would have driven us to
procreate, etc. Today, we have the
blessing and the curse of personal choice. We can override nature in this respect but unsurprisingly nature
fights us back over it.
In short, we must
transition; it’s essential for our wellbeing. Evolution has designed this for us and unless you’re feeling
like taking on a billion years of Mother Nature herself, you’re better off out
of that fight. The exact calling
for transition will vary upon each person’s.
The key phases of
transition are birth into the ‘I’ phase.
This typically takes a person biologically to the age of
reproduction. Historically this
would have been through to early teens.
At this point the ‘I’ would have had their children and become a
‘WE’. Once their children have
their children and become ‘WE’s in their own right it’s time to transition to a
‘THEY’ motivated person and this might typically have been from mid twenties
through till maybe their thirties.
Now these ages might seem particularly young but that’s just because we
override biology and live our lives very different to what nature
intended. With many individuals
living an ‘I’ lifestyle right up until their forties and not becoming ‘THEY’ motivated
until their sixties. Back when we
lived an ‘animals’ existence that just wouldn’t have worked. We needed to reproduce early so as to
have the best chance for our and our offspring’s survival.
The problem is, that
if you do not transition, life will no longer work for you. You will no longer ‘fit’ the life
you’ve created and lived in for so long.
You will feel lost and you will often feel trapped. An example of this can be seen with
many people’s experience of a ‘mid-life crises’. I believe that it’s simply the call for a transition from a
‘WE’ state to a ‘THEY’ state. People who have a crisis midlife generally go backwards looking for
a way of being that worked (now that life seemingly isn't). They should look
forward at becoming a 'THEY' but instead go back to 'I' solutions....the car,
the clothes, young girls, the pool boy, clubbing etc. The subconscious only
exists in its own experience so looks for a solution to the problem in its own
experience not outside it's realm of experience which is where the solution
actually is.
When it comes calling,
embrace the oncoming of a ‘THEY’ phase in your life. The clue in transitioning with ease (and for that matter
dignity) is to become a contributor to your fellow man. GIVE and GIVE big. This is what nature wants and needs you
to become. It will set you free!
Once you understand
where you are in your own personal evolution it should become clear why life is
offering it’s various challenges.
However if you give some consideration of where others in your life are
in their own phases then it will be easier to understand why you might be
facing certain difficulties dealing with them. The most common relationship difficulties I come across are
those between parents and teens.
However, when it’s realised where the teen is in their own
transformation it becomes apparent that the parent and the teen are operating
from different phases. The teen is
in an ‘I’ phase but biologically being pulled into a ‘WE’ phase. The parent is in the ‘WE’ phase but
being pulled into a ‘THEY’ phase, both facing their own challenges. One of the biggest issues is that we
hold our children back relative to their biological development. They are able to become parents
themselves and are being massively motivated, through hormone release, to act
in accordance with their biological development. They are biological adults transitioning into the ‘WE’ phase
of life but are held back into an ‘I’ lifestyle. To this end the parent always seems frustrated with their
teens total self-absorption and self-importance. The Teen is equally misaligned with the parents desire for
them to start thinking of others and helping out around the house for
example. The Teen also rebels
against the parent who still insists on giving them an ‘I’ lifestyle. The end result is massive confusion
with neither really knowing what’s going on.
So in summary, the
easier we accept the transitioning of life the easier life will feel. The more we understand where we are in
our development and those around us, the easier it is to communicate and
appreciate each other. Resisting
the inevitable biological push to transition will cause discomfort and
eventually crises. Crises are the
greatest harbingers of change and are an essential part of a life lead in
resistance to change. In short,
life will create the necessary environment in order to get you through the
required transition. A life
permanently lead in ‘I’ may deliver a magnitude of possessions and
accomplishments but will often be ‘missing something’ and feel hollow and
meaningless. A life lead
permanently in ‘WE’ may leave the individual feeling like they’ve lost
themselves, i.e. their ‘I’ and that life lacks substance or meaning. Anyone who resists transitioning may
feel lost and often trapped. A
life lead in accordance with where you are in terms of your personal
development and evolution will make sense and you will feel in the right place
doing the right things. In the second halves of our lives we are called upon to
contribute back and a life lead contributing to others will always give the
greatest personal satisfaction and sense of meaning and purpose to being alive.
Finally, know that any
confusion, frustration and discomfort during any transitional phase will pass
and life will be better on the other side. Relax and enjoy the journey and when the calling comes,
embrace becoming a contributor and ‘giving back’. When you’ve done all else, it’s where the greatest sense of
purpose and fulfilment lies.
Happy evolving,
George
