I have to be honest
that during and after the event we ran on 22nd September I felt I
had reached some kind of utopia in my role as coach, supporter, inspirer and
empowerer (is that even a word..?!).
People were having breakthroughs all over the place! There were tears, laughter, apprehension,
determination and ultimately life changing experiences. It was truly incredible to be a part of
all that and I was buzzing for days afterwards. It got me to wondering, if I was having such a good time
doing what I was doing, why didn’t everyone do it? I was curious as to what made it so perfect for me? Why do I do the things I do?
Tony Robbins (one of
my personal heros) talks about 6 basic human needs that we all need to
achieve. When these needs are all
being met, we are a happy, fulfilled individual. When they’re not, we will do pretty much anything to achieve
them. So what are they?
1.
Certainty –
we all need to know that some things will remain the same regardless of what
goes on. Certainty in our life
means survival. Often called
security or comfort we all need a level of it in our lives to feel safe. As with any of these needs, the degree
to which they’re important in our lives vary from one person to the next, but
take a look around and see if you can identify those people who need a lot of
certainty. They’ve probably been
in the same job for a long time, living in the same house, surrounded by the
same people. Control is another
form on achieving a level of certainty.
Do you identify with wanting to control things…perhaps everything?
2.
Uncertainty
– conversely, if everything in our lives was exactly the same every day we’d go
mental. We crave a degree of
uncertainty, variety, surprise and we will do some very interesting things to
get it. There’s a delicate
balance to be maintained between certainty and uncertainty. Too much certainty we we’re bored and
unfulfilled. Too much uncertainty
and we become fearful and anxious.
Mr Robbins mentioned once that the quality of your life is dependant on
the level of uncertainty you can tolerate. I had to think about this but I got what he meant. One of my favourite quotes is by Anais
Nin: “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” We generally
don’t need courage in the face of certainty but the more uncertainty we are
prepared to invite in, the more exciting (and scary) life gets. Balance here is key.
3.
Significance
– We all want to feel important; that we have some kind of meaning or purpose
or that we are in some way unique from others. As with all of these needs we can do both constructive and
destructive things to meet them but the bottom line is we must meet them. Think about what you do to feel
significant or different. For some
its being the best at something or really excelling. For others it can be creating or enhancing a problem or
challenge. Both can work perfectly
to create significance but they don’t always make us feel goods about
ourselves. There is also a
delicate balance between significance and the next one. In order to be significant or unique we
must separate ourselves in some way.
4.
Love and
connection – Whether its connection with others or connection with yourself,
its an essential need that must be met.
Whilst significance requires separation, this one requires the exact
opposite so you get what I mean about balance again. Think about when you were a child and what you were prepared
to do to gain love and connection.
Think about how this now manifests in your life today. We learn strategies at a young age to
meet these needs and we go on using these strategies until they just don’t work
for us any more. (Then, hopefully,
you go and talk to someone!)
Different people have differing definitions of what love and connection
means depending on their experiences.
For some its being part of a healthy, functional, loving family. For others its an abusive relationship. Either way, the basic need gets met.
5.
Growth –
We’re either growing or dying, there’s really nothing in between. When we are learning, expanding,
developing we feel fulfilled and that our life has meaning.
6.
Contribution
– The underlying need that truly brings you joy is contribution. When you have given something or done
something that has made a difference in some way, either to you or someone
else, there is a deep sense of joy and satisfaction that’s like nothing else.
I find that the first
4 of these needs become critical when they’re not met or out of balance. I also find that people are generally
pretty well practiced in meeting and balancing the first four. The issue isn’t the ability to meet and
balance them but the vehicle they choose to meet the need and whether its one
that serves them in the long run.
The last two are generally what’s missing when they are feeling
unfulfilled or aren’t sure what needs to change.
When I looked back on
that event, and actually coaching as a whole for me, it satisfies every single
one of my 6 needs and my personal careful balance of those needs. In the instance of the event, not only
were they all perfectly balanced, they were all serving me and others in a very
positive way so it was an all round winner. I feel very fortunate that my job delivers this to me in
bucket loads but it didn’t just land in my lap. I worked towards it and I worked hard.
If things are feeling
out of kilter for you at the moment, take a few minutes to think about whether
these needs are being met and whether they are balanced for you. Are you meeting these needs in ways
that are nourishing and supporting you or have you developed habits of meeting
these needs in other ways? Think
about the tasks or jobs you do currently and ask yourself how it meets each of
these needs. Which one of your
needs isn’t currently being met?
Know that everything
you do, good and bad, is done because of your innate need to meet one or more
of these needs. This is why you do
what you do. Now what would you
like to change?
Tracey x
